Generous Children

My children currently range between the ages of 25 and 10.  One girl, two boys.  From time to time they, the boys especially, have come home with a toy and said some kid at school gave it to them.   It may be a Matchbox car, a Pokemon card or a McDonald's trinket, but the revelation always releases a flood of questions from me:

• Are you sure they meant for you to keep it?
• Are you supposed to bring it back tomorrow?
• What did you give them in return?

To which the answers are always:  yes, no, nothing.

I've always lived a middle class lifestyle.  We've always had enough.  Sometimes a little more than enough - but we always lived like it was just enough.  Frugality is a fun hobby for me.  On top of that, I'm a bit of the sentimental sort.  


So the idea that a child will just randomly give away their toys is so foreign to me.  I always wonder if their parent knows they gave it away and if they did know would they care.  What if that was the Matchbox car that used to belong to their grandfather?  What if the Pokemon card was actually pilfered from an older sibling?  What if the mom drove past five other McDonald's just to get to the McDonald's that was selling that particular Minion because she knew it was the one that would complete her child's set?

My children have always had more than enough toys.  Sometimes I'd wished and begged they would get rid of stuff.  But more than once they've wanted to get rid of something to which I said, "But that was your first...".  I even have a collection of the most sentimental stuff in the back closet hoping to pass it down one day to my grandchildren (if I live that long).  At the same time I am aware that they may not see the value in it that I do.  They may not have the memories of their first Little Tikes car like I can remember watching them play with it.

I am fully aware that there is no monetary value in sentimental value.  Sometimes you hit on something "classic" or "antique" but even then you have to find just the right buyer to get the financial value out of it.

The other side of this coin that I always contemplate is - what does it say about my children that they are willing to take somebody's hand-offs.  I mean, I've taught them never to turn down a free meal - but a free used toy is a completely different matter. 

What Causes Things

It seems like in the last couple of decades there has been a rise in cancer and autism - among other things.  I remember when my older kids were in elementary school in the early '90s I often said to myself, after seeing how early the girls were developing, that it must be something in the milk.  Years later several people (family and close friends) suggested that my youngest child showed early signs of autism.  I read Jenny McCarthy's book about her journey with her autistic son and how strongly she felt that changing his diet made a big difference to his condition.

So I took gluten and caesin out of my young one's diet.  It really wasn't as hard as it sounds thanks to modern online resources.  Eight years later he is a great student but still a little quirky.  I'll never know for sure if changing the diet made a difference since there was no control group.  But I believe it did.

I've also seen the documentary Food, Inc. which changed the way I buy food.  Turns out there really was something in the milk!  And the chickens, and lots of other food sources.  I'm not committed enough to go organic - although I'm getting there.  But for the last several years I have been buying only meat that is hormone and antibiotic free.  Right away we could taste a difference  And we're starting to prefer produce that is locally grown without pesticides.

While I've not yet heard of a direct link between cancer and the things in our food source - I have hope that my small actions and changes are helping my family decrease their chances of contracting that nasty disease.

Authorship

Righteous, My Deliverer, Good Shepherd, Jehovah, King - these are just a few of the over 900 names of God.    Lately I've come up with one of my own and I really like it.  Every night when I pray, in order to keep myself from just rattling off a laundry list of my wants, I remember the acronym ACTS and first Adore God, then Confess my sins, then give Thanks, then Supplication.  Sometimes I draw a blank on the Adoration part but one day I came up with God being the Author of the Universe.

Being a writer myself I really liked the idea.  Last night I even thought about how

• God erases our sins. 
• He knows all the grammar rules and edits to be made.
• He already knows the ending to our story.

If you are having inter-personal / relationship struggles, God can write your name on their heart.
If you are looking for a job, God can write your name on the employee roster.
Whatever blanks you have in your life - God can fill them in.

This idea goes along with something I heard on Joel Osteen radio yesterday - as our life plays out and we lose a loved one too soon (so we think).  God is not sitting up there going, "Whoops, I didn't mean for that person to die today." God is not surprised by anything that happens down here.  He already knows how its going to work out.  He already knows the ending to our story and it is exactly how he planned it.  Whether we take the right fork or the left fork - it all leads to the same place.

Getting the Last Word

I've heard of people who know they are dying that pre-write letters or make videos for significant moments in their child's life that they will miss.  I've been contemplating an expansion on that.

What if I left a letter for a family member that I'm estranged from?  Would it be fair if I left instructions for the letter to be delivered after/if I die on 7/12/17?  A one-sided attempt at making amends.  Although, in my heart I know if I didn't resolve it in life I probably wouldn't resolve it in a letter.  Such a letter might even cause more pain and unresolved issues.

Or what if I really admire someone but am too embarrassed to tell them.  I know a compliment shouldn't be embarrassing - but maybe I don't want it to get weird or awkward and definitely don't want to seem like I have a girl-crush or anything.  Would it be fair to leave a letter and then they don't get a chance to return a compliment?  Would they appreciate the post-humous admiration or regret that they didn't know while I was still around?

Whether I leave a letter or not, my life would be complete - physically at least.  As a Christian I believe I'd still obtain admission to Heaven.  But what if I'm sent to Purgatory until the issues are resolved?  There are other schools of thought out there.  What if they are right, what if there are spirits that don't cross over because of unresolved issues?  Or what if leaving a letter is like cheating and then the last thing I did on earth would be cheat - that's not good.

So I should probably just suck up the earthly courage and handle my business before I depart.  At least I've still got some time to work up to it.  But then there is that caveat that maybe I don't die on 7/12/17, maybe it is just some other life altering day.  So if I make that admission of admiration on 7/11 and then I'm still here on 7/13 - things might be weird.

I contemplated it for some days - and gave the compliment.  Things aren't weird.  Obviously, if it is a person that is that admirable they should be able to take a compliment.

On the other hand - there is still that unresolved issue with an estranged family member.  I'm not feeling that brave yet.  And I am fully aware that they may die first.  Leaving me behind to be unresolved.  I think I'm okay with that.  I'm not much for gambling, but I'm going to ride the odds out a little longer on this one.

I Hear You, Kids

Soon after I had the big dream I shared it with my older kids.  Already in their 20's and having lost their father in elementary school, as well as having discussed dreams with me on multiple occasions, I thought it would be wise to tell them in person before they found out via this blog.

A couple months ago, just after the New Year, I took them grocery shopping to encourage them in healthier eating choices and my older son randomly spouted that I was not going to die anytime soon.  It was clear to me that this was no time for discussion of the possibility because he was obviously and willfully in denial.

Just last week my daughter told me about the mother of her best friend in elementary school.  Apparently she had gotten divorced and then got really sick and her sister had to pay her medical bills.  I said I'd pray for the lady.  The next day my daughter told me the lady had died, within an hour of us having had that conversation.  She went on to say how sad it must be for her former friend to lose her mom at a time like this.  A time when life is just beginning for a young woman, not yet married, hasn't had a baby yet.  Those times when a young woman will want and need her mother.

Verbally I was agreeing and expressing sadness/empathy/regret - but internally I was screaming, "Don't you read my blog?!"  My own daughter might lose her mother in just 16 months.  And she's not fully settled into life yet either.

It seems like there is never a good time to die young.  And on the opposite side there are some older people that seem to hang on to life well beyond the time it is practical - well beyond the time it has stopped being enjoyable for them and they have long ago stopped making any contributions (that we can see anyway).

God's plan is bigger.

A Thought for my Son - the Artist

The book I read several months ago, "Dying to be Me" by Anita Moorjani (which I've already posted about twice) had a paragraph that enlightened me to my older son - a musician who sees life through the eyes of an artist which are not the eyes that his practical mother (that's me) and sister (my daughter) see things through.

Moorjani says, "The infinite self is our essence.  It's who we truly are... .  The intellect is just a tool for navigating through this life.  It figures out how to make enough money to put food on the table and make the rent, while the soul only wants to express itself." (p. 146)

Having just finished Spring Break I can sort of identify.  I wanted to figure out how to do just enough house cleaning to not endanger our health and safety but still enjoy the week and feel like my infinite self - enjoying life and time off of work, time with family and to pursue hobbies. 

I like the sentiment Moorjani expressed, but it fails to consider responsibilities.  There are responsibilities other than financial.  As a mom of a ten year-old, I have responsibilities to help him grow and achieve his full potential.  That includes, in my opinion, taking him to activities which enrich him.  I am not one of those over-scheduling moms.  But we do have a couple of activities which we consider an investment into his future-self.  As much as I would like to pursue my own interests a few nights a week, I have the responsibility to take him to his activities.

The artist (writer) in me still wants to spend more time writing a novel.  But, for now, I have found little ways, like through this blog or my website for book reviews that I can express enough of my soul and still meet my obligations.

Apple Cider Vinegar

If I were Oprah and she still made her list of the best Christmas gifts and then gave them all to her audience, I would include a super large bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar, raw, natural, unfiltered and "with the mother".  This is my new favorite product, right next to Simply Balanced from Target Organic Green Mint Tea.

A few months ago I noticed that any time I consumed a dairy product I would feel like my breath was bad, even after I brushed my teeth.  So I poked around on the internet and decided to try two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar in 16 ounces of water, daily.  It took some getting used to but now I find it very enjoyable and refreshing at the end of the day.  And, it improved my breath.

I also think it improved my skin.  I've always had bad skin, which I now know is because of the Gilbert syndrome which prevents my liver from processing toxins properly.  So I get a lot of "blemishes" on  my face.  Well, not as many as a teenager but when you are in your mid-40s even one is too many and highly embarrassing.  Since I started ACV though I have had much better skin.

I've also read that ACV works like a pro-biotic and I have some friends that also drink a daily dose for the health benefits.  They just do it like a shot of liquor because they don't like the taste.  My little boy was complaining about his pro-biotic tablet so I offered him the option of drinking ACV and started him on a VERY watered down dose but he decided the tablet was better.

Then I made maybe the greatest discovery of all for ACV.  I invented it on my own after I started having deodorant issues.  It seemed like my deodorant had suddenly stopped working.  Being a couponer I have several other sticks of deodorant in my stockpile but when I looked at them, all five brands had the same active ingredient as the one I had been using.   I really didn't relish the idea of going to the store and searching the aisle to find a different active ingredient so I went to the internet to see what other people recommended.  I thought maybe the problem stemmed from the new cholesterol medicine I'd recently switched to.  Not so.  I discovered that this problem is not uncommon - it is a problem of the deodorant reacting with the bacteria under my arm and causing the smell.  I grabbed onto the word "bacteria".  I thought maybe the problem began last time I got a new bar of soap (Ivory) because it is a brand known for being very mild.  I had a random bar of Dial soap so I started using that and noticed a slight improvement.  I would like to search out an anti-bacterial soap.  However, before I got to the store I heard a comedienne talking about how people were using ACV for EVERYTHING!!!  So, one evening as I was mixing ACV into my dinner water I thought - why not, I splashed some under my arms.  A few hours later I noted it was better!  I put more on at bed time and in the morning it was great.  My husband always turns up his nose when I open the bottle to mix my water for dinner, but he didn't even complain about the smell at bed time.

The first couple of days I showered with Dial, rubbed on ACV and then when it dried put on deodorant.  During the weekend I experimented and used only ACV.  I did have to re-apply after the pool but I would re-apply normal deodorant too after a swim.  On Monday I was so confident I used only ACV to go to work.  By Thursday I thought maybe the almost week-long break would be enough and I tried D.O. again - worse.  So for two weeks I used only ACV under my arms.
Admittedly it doesn't smell powder fresh but it also doesn't stink.  Obviously powder fresh would be the best choice but if that's not happening then I'll take neutral of stink.  After several weeks it started to be less effective so I switched back to deodorant but obviously the break and the ACV was helpful and I would do it again if the problem should re-occur in the future.