Stockpiling Blankets

I have a large walk-in closet and recently I noticed how many blankets I have stashed around in there.

     1.  a blue fuzzy one that my mom bought for me on a trip across the Mexican border back in the 80s.  There is some sort of flower design on it and the backside is the negative of the front.  It was my bedspread for a lot of years.

     2.  a multicolored crocheted afghan that my grandma made for me.  There were two things that she gave each grandchild: an afghan and an embroidered zodiac.  It was like a rite of passage.  I've long since disposed of the zodiac.

     3.  another afghan made by my grandmother that I selected from her home after she passed away and was in my daughter's room for a lot of years

     4.  a queen sized white loose-weave cotton blanket that reminds me of one my great-aunt used to have

     5.  a simple white quilt that was in my mom's guest room

If I had to get rid of one it would be a very hard decision.  When I look at them they spark an emotion of comfort.

These are in addition to my two favorite blankets that perch around the living room waiting to be used at any time - a brown fleece and also a brown angel w/ the same sort of negative pattern.  The fleece one I acquired from my mother's collection after she passed away - I like it because it is big and soft and brown is my favorite color.  I can't quite recall how I got the angel one - maybe my kids picked it out for me, or it was a gift exchange - for a time I was really into angels as decorations.  Sometimes it is a little too small but usually it is sufficient.  

If I ever get into a health crisis where I spend a lot of time laying around recovering - I'll definitely have plenty of blankets to be comforted by.

Maybe It's Not Me

All I really know is that 7/12/17 will be a significant day.  The dream that told me this was in December 2013.  When I woke from the dream I felt like it was the date of my death, but as my experience with prophetic dreams tells me, I get the gist but I don't always get all the details right.  So maybe it's not me that's going to die that day.  That gives me hope.  Maybe it's someone close to me that will die.  Still not something I'd wish for but I find this slightly preferable to my own death.  I've already been through the death of a husband and a mother; I know I'll be fine.  I'd rather stay behind and deal with the aftermath of someone else's death than think about inflicting that aftermath on someone I love.  Not that I think my loved ones are weak and incapable, I know they could handle it.  But it's not fun.  The mom in me wants to save them from the pain and frustration.  Of course, along those lines, whoever dies I'd like it to be quick and painless.  (As if I have any say in the matter!)

Lullabye - Billy Joel

This song came out when my middle son (now 22) was a baby.  I sang it to him EVERY night.  It was like a magical song.  One time through and he was asleep.  

I've been listening to the Billy Joel Channel on Sirius XM Radio for the last few weeks since it is a limited time channel.  I finally heard this song last week for the first time on that channel.  I cried.  I called my son and told him how this had actually been his lullaby.  I never sang to his older sister and I rarely sang to his younger brother.  Interestingly, that middle son is now a musician.  (@JacobAndrew - Search iTunes or Google Play for Jacob Andrew.  Also you can see the "Glad It's You" video on You Tube.)

"Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" - by Billy Joel

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be

Last night I heard the song again on the Billy Joel channel.  This time Don Henley was the guest DJ.  He said every time he hears it he cries.   Last week when I heard it and last night too I listened to it a different way and I cried.  I imagined my son singing it at my funeral.  At my mom's funeral he sang "Amazing Grace".  Even though I asked him a few days ahead of time he didn't practice it and looked up the lyrics at the church.  Still he managed to do a nice job with it, but I hope he practices this one ahead of time.  I don't feel like I can ask him now to start preparing this song though, because  a couple of weeks ago we were in the grocery store and out of the blue he said, with conviction and a small amount of desperation, "You're not going to die any time soon, Mom."    

When he was little he was sick a lot - ear infections and such.  I always had this foreboding sense that he was going to die before I was ready.   I was so glad when he learned to give hugs and I cherished each one because I feared there might not be many more.  Maybe it was postpartum depression...but every now and then I recall and wonder.  

So whomever dies whenever, the one of us left behind will always have a piece of the other in their heart and this song to cry to.