Sunday in church the priest said something along the lines of there being two deaths, the physical death and the death of our soul. I wasn't a hundred percent sure of how he meant that, but at the same time it made a sense to me that brought peace and maybe some forgiveness or lessening of guilt.
When I thought I was going to die on 7/12/17, I was most upset about leaving my family behind but was conflicted because that seemed somewhat conceited to think that my family wouldn't do well without me. But I think it was actually I was afraid for my soul - that I hadn't done enough on earth, taught them enough, prepared them enough, inspired them enough, fulfilled enough of my job as their parent since God entrusted them to me to raise and teach and prepare and inspire.
I still continue to thank God every night for giving me one more day with my children, but now I am also contemplating if I did enough good works for Him throughout the day.
