The Road Not Taken

14 years ago Yesterday my life changed dramatically.  I was married with 2 kids, a dog, 2 cars in the garage of a nice house, a good job, etc. when all of a sudden I wasn't married anymore but instead a widow - single mom of 2 young children with no alternating weekends off.

I remember a few days after the funeral I stood up in front of my church family and said "I can't wait to see what God has planned for us next".  Even as the words left my mouth it all felt a little surreal and my brain wondered if it wasn't somehow irreverent (to God or my late husband).  But I felt like I had been on a good path before and my faith was strong enough to believe I was still on a good path - just a different path.

Many times through the years I have wondered what my life would be like now if I had been allowed to stay on my original path.  Sometimes I feel like I've traveled on two or three or more paths since leaving that first one.  The first change of direction was a big jolt, but the subsequent ones have been easier to bear - sometimes I didn't even notice the fork in the road.

Whatever 7/12/17 holds for me, I believe it will be a drastic, journey-shifting change.  I don't have a GPS for the roads of life, but I feel like I'm getting pretty good at navigating them.  I pray that I can be as eager to see how this new journey goes as I was 14 years ago.

What it's all for?

     When I was 17 and applied to be an exchange student, I wanted to go to Europe.  Instead I was assigned to Brazil.  Since then I've often thought that surely I got that assignment for a reason.  I'm still waiting for the day that I'm able to save somebody's life, just for knowing Portuguese.  But, the closer I get to 7/12/17, I think maybe that day will never come.  Maybe I'll never know why I learned Portuguese.
     Maybe it's not for anything heroic.  Maybe knowing Portuguese, or just having the experience shaped me in a way that made me more interesting and thereby enabled my husband to be drawn to me.  And from there my kids exist and maybe they will do something significant.  Or maybe I've affected somebody and didn't know it.  Maybe someone in Brazil is different for me having been there.  Knowing Portuguese allowed me to get jobs speaking Spanish, including my current job as an aide to ninth grade students.  I'd like to think that somewhere, across a whole school year and forty students plus, I had a positive, lasting effect on someone.  And if that was my whole purpose in life - I guess I'd call that success.

What will Heaven be like?

Surely throughout my life I have heard many ideas about what Heaven will be like.  Streets paved with gold, a mansion, "a big, big house with lots and lots of rooms and a big, big table with lots and lots of food" (Audio Adrenaline).

The other day in church the priest was saying that people often ask if they will recognize their loved ones because they worry about not being able to reconnect with someone who has already died.  That led me to wonder - what if that little baby that was the twin to my youngest but didn't continue to mature, what if it recognizes me and I don't remember it?

But the image of Heaven that I like most of all is like at the end of Titanic when Rose (Kate Winslet) goes up the stairs and Jack's (Leonardo DiCaprio's) hand reaches out to her.  That's the kind of welcome I'm looking forward to.

Original Wisdom

Build your bridges out of steel - that way you can't burn them.

Watching Cancer

Someone I work with has cancer - again.  She left yesterday for a medical leave.  She has a really great attitude.  She said it's just something annoying she has to go deal with and she'll be back.  I really think she will.  And as I watch her valiantly tell the staff and others, I just can't imagine I could hold it together that well if it were me.  I think attitude makes a huge difference in battling a disease like cancer so just for that alone - I'm sure she will win the fight.  Maybe it's something that you just don't know until you're in it how you will respond.  Maybe if I ever do get cancer I'll be able to rise up and be strong - but I just don't think so.  Therefore, it still remains my biggest fear.  And right now my biggest prayer is for this strong lady to return to health.  Maybe I should also start praying for cures and prevention tactics.