The Last Line

The other day I was imaging having lunch with my children on 7/12/17 at the Brazilian restaurant.  What will my last words to them be?  Books have been written about this sort of thing.  I want to impart that last golden nugget of parental wisdom that will carry them through the rest of their lives without me - but realistically I know that's not possible.  A few words, no matter how well crafted, can't provide wisdom for every future situation they will encounter and take away every hurt they will ever feel.

Maybe I will just leave them with a lyric from "Seasons in the Sun": 

     We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun

List Making

Along with writing letters I also think about making a list of what things I want to pass on to whom.  My mom gave away most of her heirloom pieces well before she died.  She split up some significant furniture pieces equitably between myself and my sister probably 15 years before she died - most likely  she was just redecorating.  At some point she also split up all her silver serving pieces.  There were other things that she thought were valuable that she didn't designate.  She used to tell the story of one of her relatives who put names on the back of objects to indicate who she wanted them to go to.

I don't feel like I have anything really valuable.  But there are some things of sentimental value that I feel like are important to pass down.  Like the VCR tapes on top of my closet that are the childhood videos of my older two children.  I've always intended to get them recorded onto DVD - but assuming that doesn't happen, I don't want them to just languish on top of the closet.  They are not the children of my current husband so the videos mean nothing to him.  

A rational person would think he'd just call the kids up and get the videos to them.  But anyone who has actually experinced a blended family may know that things don't always run that smoothly.  And anyone who has ever experienced the death of a close family member may know that, even in the best of families, emotions may cause people to behave in unreasonable ways.  Therefore I feel it would be worth my time to, at least informally, put into writing that my daughter inherits my entire coupon collection - including my electronic spreadsheet in the cloud that catalogs every coupon I have and its location.

And that is probably the real root of this post - I tend to over organize things.

Letter Writing

I've had a few thoughts lately about getting started writing letters to be delivered after my death.  It's been a vague idea at the back of my head for the last couple of years; but now, as that magical date gets nearer it feels a bit more pressing.  

I've thought about who I would ask to deliver them.  I think it would be unfair to ask my daughter or even a close friend.  So I think I'll do something like in the movies, leave them with a lawyer.  Of course, that implies that I have a lawyer.  That has also been on my list of things to do.  I envisioned taking care of that in January but that didn't happen so I figured Spring Break but as we don't have an appointment set up or even a lawyer identified, that's not looking too good either.  We really do need to update our wills, in any case, because the peoole we deemd to take care of our child afe no longer fit to do so.  The hold up is agreeing on a suitable person to name instead.

But as for the letters.  I imagine writing them will be very emotional for me.  So I feel like I should set aside a time when I can be by myself.  I thought of taking an afternoon and going to Starbucks but I'd probably wind up with tears running down my face so that wouldn't be good.  I thought of at least jotting down ideas during a break at work but, again, worry that I would get too emotional.  Which means letters will probably be yet another thing that I don't get done,  At the very least I hope my children will read this blog after I'm gone and know how much I thought of them and agonized over leaving them.  (See, already getting tears in my eyes.)

Night Night Nokia

I have recently been spending more time than normal in cell phone stores.  My husband switched from a name-brand company to a second-tier carrier about a year ago.  I didn't switch with him because I wasn't confident in the service.  But after a year in which he's had no problems I decided I would switch onto his plan.  I also needed a new phone.  I am not someone who goes through phones quickly - as I have recently observed that some people do.  

Apparently some companies allow an upgrade every 3 months and there are some who walk in, grab a phone, and then deal with how to use it.  Not me.  I want to research the features and look for something that meets the way I do life.  

My very first smart phone was a Sony Ericcson p910a that I bought unlocked online.  It was a smart phone before phones were smart.  When that finally became too quirky (it never did work quite right once it went into the pool with me to rescue my child who was drowning during swimming lessons) I bought a Nokia Lumia 710 (unlocked).  The very fact that I'm saying unlocked dates things somewhat because apparently now all phones are unlocked.  

Both of these phones had the desireable feature of allowing me to work on Word documents on the phone.  Being a writer, that is important to me.

So the Lumia was getting to the point where I couldn't do things in the browser because it was too old and I asked at the Microsoft store and they said there is no way to upgrade the browser.  SO - I set Spring Break as my time for making the big switch.  I'll be off work and can have time to really get to know the new phone.  Last weekend I started the preliminary shopping for a new phone.  

On Monday after work I realized my phone was completely dead and wouldn't recharge.  Finally we jacked with the jack enough and got it charged.  Wednesday I decided I wasn't going to rely on holding my tongue the right way in order to get my phone charged between now and Spring Break so we went to the wireless store to make the switch earlier than planned.

Ironically my old phone had no bars in the store.  I needed to retrieve my old account number so I went outside and still had no bars.  This happens from time to time and is always resolved by powering down the phone and then turning it on again.   So I did.  But the phone never got passed the Nokia loading screen.  It died right there in my hands - right at the hospital.

So now I've got the fancy LG Stylo 2 Plus and I love that I can write on the screen because I am a big list maker.  I'm a little hesitant to use it until I get a case for it.  And I'm a little annoyed that I have to squeeze in learning how to use it amidst everything else I have going on before Spring Break.  But more than that I'm wondering - should I have paid extra for this phone instead of taking the free phone.  I mean, if I only get 5 months use out of it before someone cradles me as I draw my last breath was that worth $60 (not to mention the time I'll waste learning everything new).

The Year of the Rooster

The other day in a Geography class we were talking about the Chinese New Year.  I was born in the year of the rooster - that much I knew from eating in Chinese restaurants.  I didn't realize that this was also a year of the rooster.  Instantly I began to wonder what the Chinese say or believe about being born and dying under the same sign.  As I was contemplating that the teacher commented that maybe this will be a good year for me.  I chuckled to myself.