Tuesday, May 19, 2015

1 TImothy 1:12

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service.

While reading Debbie MacComber's "Knit Together" (which I've mentioned in previous posts) I realized I don't study the Bible as much as I used to.  So, it's not much, but I got an app that sends me a verse of the day.  When I read the verse above I thought it might be a handy one to remember.

On my more reflective days, I appreciate the trust God had in me to raise the three children He blessed me with.  But beyond that, I know that whatever my upcoming journey may be, somehow I want to glorify God through it.  Hopefully I can remember that whatever the challenge, God trusted me when he gave me the job.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Growing my own Food Supply

Several years ago I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of food recalls that were occurring and I felt called to start growing my own food sources for my family.  I got my then teenage son outside to help prepare a patch of land, my husband built a frame and we ordered some garden dirt.  I planted, I fed, I watered, I safeguarded and we starved.  Or, we would have if that was our sole food source!

Even when I buy a tomato plant labeled "Big Boy" and with a good healthy start to it already, I only get a few tomatoes the size of cherry tomatoes. My carrots were baby carrots and my broccoli stalks were florets.  What we did cultivate we enjoyed but after three or four seasons of growing, including rotating locations as recommended, I've determined I am not a gardener.

Since we live in the country and don't subscribe to garbage pick up, I throw food scraps out in a corner of the yard.  When I started that several years ago I thought maybe something would spontaneously grow there.  Not just from a Murphy's Law standpoint but it seemed likely since animals walk over it and push seed down into the ground and probably graze there and maybe poop there for natural fertilization.  It gets some sun but not all day sun and of course it gets rain.  But even with all those natural things going on - nothing grows.

So glad we have access to a local market that provides high quality meat and produce at an affordable price!  A gardener I am not.  My new thing is replacing some convenience foods like yogurt and pop-tarts with homemade versions.  I'm much better with a spatula than a shovel.   The Donvier Yogurt Maker makes it SO easy.  I've got a great recipe for rolls from scratch.  I par-bake them and freeze several servings in one Saturday so I've got a few months worth.  With patience I'm finding several brands for staples like cheese and pasta that I can buy with the confidence of knowing there are no junk ingredients in them and their processes agree with my priorities.

If I live past 7/12/17 maybe it will be because I took enough processed crap out of my diet to tip the scales in my favor.  Even though I failed at gardening I listened to the call - and that right there is a success.  It led me down a different path that branched off a couple of times, but I am more educated and aware than if I had stuck my head in the garden dirt and not changed anything.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

What if this is all there is?

I think every one feels their life goes through cycles: times of everything in sync and rolling smoothly, times of mediocrity, and times of chaos.  Right now I'm in a mediocre time and I've begun to wonder - what if this is all there is?  What if this is all I was meant to do?

I'm not currently working in anything for which I'll win an award.  Not like winning Checker of the Year in college or the Circle of Excellence (complete with trip to Puerto Rico) during my days in corporate America.

Maybe I'll still get a book written but if I were a betting gal I'd say odds were not in my favor.

Obviously not everyone accomplishes something great in their lifetime.  There are people who live life to the fullest, and there are people who are content to just run on the hamster wheel of life.  I am the person who watches the hamsters running and wonders how they can stand it in there, running on that wheel day and night.  I am a very loyal person in my jobs and in my marriage - but I do like to shake things up a little bit.  I do enjoy a change of pace or scenery.  I don't want to go skydiving or anything - but every few years the urge strikes me to break out of mediocre.

In the past I have always been able to satisfy this urge with a big vacation.  But right now I'm not in a position to do that.  And not knowing what lies ahead - maybe I never will be again.

My mom lived her whole 75 years wanting to go to Greece, the country of her ancestors.  She finally got there when she was in her 70s.  And what did it do for her?  For her last five years she could say she did it.  But it didn't make her death any more or less peaceful.

Intellectually I think there is value in travel when you are young because it provides different perspectives and helps you become more well rounded.  But after a certain age (call me age-ist), it just seems frivolous - on an intellectual level.  And impractical on a health and mobility level.

In my mid-40s my morals, values and beliefs are pretty well formed.  I might expand on something by reading a book, but I don't need to go do mission work in Africa to expand my perception of poverty.  The only thing likely to become more rounded if I travel is my belly from eating too much.

But emotionally - that is where I'm stuck.  I wouldn't turn down an opportunity to finally visit Europe, but if I only had one trip left in my life it would be a hard choice between taking the kids to Disney and creating memories for them or satisfying my personal emotions and reconnecting with my friends and family in Brazil.

And then I think, to what end?  Will I take the memories with me when I go?

After reading "Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber I've come to the conclusion that it's such a fine line between working to accomplish our dreams while being content with where we are at.  Because no matter how succesful I might become, if I am constantly looking ahead to the next project and 
can't be content with the now, then achieving the dream means nothing.