Gratitude

I drove past a marquee yesterday that said, "Gratitude is what makes what you have enough".

I should really practice more gratitude - and not just because it's Thanksgiving, but all year long, for the rest of my days.

I'm not famous but most people aren't.  All things considered I've had a pretty good life:

• I've never had to go to bed hungry 
• I've always had a bed to sleep in under a roof and a warm blanket
• I didn't have to fight for my education
• I've had some jobs I've really enjoyed
• I've been blessed with three kids that are all amazing in amazingly unique ways
• I've enjoyed the comforts of television, technology and transportation
• I've traveled and made friends around the world
• I'm free to worship as I choose

And these are just the basics.  I could make an endless list.  

I can see the wisdom in the eight words on the marquee.

If I focus my time and thoughts on being thankful for what I've already lived, I might not freak out so much about what I'll miss if my life ends on July 12, 2017.

Shotgun

I'm calling "dibs".  Just in case I have a grand child born on July 12, 2017, I'm claiming the rights to decide its middle name.

The obvious would be Destiny for a girl - but that's not really my style.  I would choose a name that means "word of God" or something similar.  Good thing I've got time to look around.  A name is probably a much better thing on which to center my thoughts than what kind of disease am I going to get.

Just Call Me Martha

In church one Sunday the priest read the passage about Martha, sister of Lazarus, talking with Jesus about Lazarus being dead.  (ref. John 11:20+)  I've heard this passage often and the discussion is always about the symbolism of death and resurrection.

On this particular Sunday, however, it occurred to me that there was a whole piece that nobody ever talks about.  Martha admits understanding that Lazarus will go to Heaven.  She obviously believes in Jesus.  But she is rather annoyed that Jesus let him die.  In v. 21-22 she tells Jesus that if He'd been there Lazarus would still be alive and reminds Him that God will do whatever Jesus asks of Him.

The underlying implication being that she is asking Jesus to raise Lazarus from the dead.

Aha!  I am not the only woman who struggles with wanting more time on earth.  Even though I know Heaven is an awesome place and ultimately that is the goal of life - I don't want July 12, 2017 to be the end of my life.  I want lots more time.  Just as Martha wanted for her brother.

It's one thing for me to want to postpone my Heavenly journey but imagine if your sibling said you couldn't go to Heaven yet because they still wanted you here.  That seems a little selfish, and then to say that right to Jesus' face!

So I take from this that it is completely okay that I'm not gung ho about going to Heaven whenever my time may be up because since the beginning of time women had such feelings.  AND - most importantly, I should take my desires to God.  Just as Lazarus got more time with his family, I might also if I only ask.

Knitting Baby Blankets

About 7 years ago when my youngest started pre-school I took a job in a craft store just to fill some of my time.  Having had previous experience with knitting and needle work I was assigned to the Yarn department.  So all day long I arranged fabulous yarns and pattern books and such and got first chance at items when they got marked down for clearance.

Around that time a friend had a baby and I wanted to make a blanket for her.  It occurred to me that having a stock pile of hand made blankets might be wise for other such occasions as well as when my oldest children start having their own children.

As a result I now have a closet in my back room that is half full of all the ingredients to make several beautiful baby blankets.  Thank goodness I only worked at the store for 4 1/2 months!  It was like a buffet - my eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach (or in this case my amount of free time).  But I figure as the years go on and times change, I'll have projects to work on even when in retirement I may not have the income to fund them.  Sort of like my bookshelf filled with books I want to read.  Sometimes I wonder if my eyes and hands will hold out as I age but until now my yarn surplus has been simply getting ahead in preparing entertainment for retirement.

Recently it occurred to me that it might be wise to step up the knitting because it might wind up to be more of leaving a legacy than getting prepared and working ahead.  Yet, even after that insight I really haven't found much time for it.  I keep coming up with other things that I need or want to do - study to become a teacher, couponing, reading, family activities, etc.  And let's not even mention how far behind I am on scrapbooking!  It must be a rare person who can say at the end of their life that they are ready - they did it all and there is nothing left they want to do.

Analysis of a Dream

THE BACKSTORY
For years I've been coloring my hair and keeping it in the same style.  Recently I felt like my style was out-dated so I'm letting it grow out.  It seems that plain and straight is an acceptable style these days.  A few weeks ago I mentioned to a co-worker that I liked her hair color.  She said she just uses a lightening spray on her roots.  I tried it and liked the results so I've been considering "cutting" out my salon visits all together.   I've been going to the same hair guy for 20 years!  In recent years though my life has morphed in different directions so it's no longer convenient - but still I've been carefully scheduling and driving well out of my way to use the same guy so I feel like I really need to consider this carefully before I make any significant changes.

THE DREAM
I was talking to my hair guy and he told me he was diagnosed with leukemia.  I started thinking about the cancer being in his bloodstream.  I also wondered if he was going to loose his hair and be bald.

THE ANALYSIS
Most dreams are not literal.  It is unlikely that the hair guy is going to get leukemia.  The first question I need to ask myself if what is the first personality trait that comes to mind when I think of the hair guy.

"Knowledgeable"  For more than 20 years he's been talking to a variety of people all day long - so he is one of those guys that knows a little bit about a lot of things.  He also knows his craft.  He knows the science of hair.  We have had discussions about the safety of hair dye and other chemicals.

THE MESSAGE I TAKE AWAY
I need to get really knowledgable about the chemicals in hair dye and give this decision some serious consideration.  I don't think that my hair guy would lie to me or intentionally cause me harm - but at the end of the day it is his livelihood so he certainly can't tell all his customers that hair dye will give them cancer or he would loose the majority of his business.

THE FOLLOW UP
I read a few articles online and have decided to give up hair dye.  I believe that in standard quantities and frequencies hair dye is fine for most people.  But I am not most people.  I have recently had a medical diagnosis that confirmed my suspicion that my body does not process toxins like most people.  So, while the average woman may be fine getting her hair dyed five or six times a year my body can only handle two times a year.  Since I'm not a fan of the grown out roots look that means I may as well not even bother.

There are other options but I'm going to try dying it back to my natural brown and then not doing any color treatments for several months and see how I feel after that.  The irony is that there is more toxicity in darker colors so to get to the stage where I put no toxic chemicals on my hair I first have to put extra toxic chemicals on my hair.

Angels Watching Over Me?

I was listening to my iPod a few weeks ago and heard Amy Grant's "Angels Watching Over Me".  I got on one of those mind trains that kept rolling over shaky bridges.  Like if God has angels watching over us and protecting us - why?  Doesn't He have our whole life planned already?  So why would we need protecting from His plan?  I know we need to pray and thank Him and ask for things - but I was getting really jumbled on the protection part.  I know we have free will, but even so - God knows what we are going to choose.  So He can plan ahead - He can either let us suffer the consequences of our free will, or He can rescue us and protect us from that consequence.  Does He employ angels to protect us because He's too busy?  No - He's God, all knowing, all powerful.

A couple of nights ago at book club we were discussing William Paul Young's "Crossroads" and one of the other ladies started down the same path.

So glad I'm not the only one who gets jumbled up by this.  Maybe Amy Grant (or whoever wrote her song) was just as jumbled.  Just because it's in a song, doesn't mean that's the way it is - I suppose.

Meet Joe Black

I saw the movie "Meet Joe Black" in 2000 and instantly loved the movie and purchased a copy to own - which was not a commitment I took lightly.  Fourteen years later we hardly ever use our DVD player, especially since we now have a DVR on the satellite.  So I recorded the movie and watched it again to see why it fascinated me so the first time.

The premise of the movie is that "Death" has whispered to Bill Parrish, a successful business man with two lovely daughters.  Bill is a widow and his 65th birthday is just days away.  He hears a voice one night saying "yes".  The next day in his office he is struck with chest pains and has a conversation with the voice.  One of his daughters has been dating a young man named Drew.  While Bill and his daughter were flying into the city that morning he was encouraging her to make sure if Drew wasn't the one that she find the guy who was as incredible as a lightning strike.  So while he's on his knees in his office, she is in a coffee shop meeting the young man played by Brad Pitt.  They really connect, have some great conversation, but never exchange names.  When they part there is a series of he looks back as she's walking away, then she looks back as he's walking away, and back and forth until she rounds a corner and he takes one last look while standing in the middle of the street.  (Obviously not a wise idea, especially when "Death" is lurking close by.)

So "Death" takes the body of Brad Pitt and reveals himself to Bill in the flesh.  In exchange for a few extra days of living, Bill agrees to show "Death" what this life thing is all about.  Obviously they can't tell anyone the real reason "Death" is hanging around so they become very elusive - only saying that his name is Joe Black.  Imagine the daughter's surprise when she comes home for dinner and finds the young man there.

Their love grows which, to say the least, Bill is not pleased about.  He tries to threaten "Death" but obviously "Death" has the upper hand.  The next day, when "Death" tells Bill that they will also be taking his daughter with them, he tries a different approach and explains that if he really loves her he wouldn't want to hurt her.  I really loved how the father took such a strong stand to protect his daughter, even if he pissed off "Death" and wound up dying sooner.  It was a little difficult to reconcile though - because as a parent I want to protect my children from experiencing my death because I love them and don't want them to hurt.  So I expected Bill to try and make a deal to live longer.  I could even rationalize that if he let "Death" take the daughter then she wouldn't be grieving her dad's death and would be with the one she loved.

Of course, since it is scripted, Bill had the perfect last moments with his daughters.  He said just the right things and said them so eloquently.  Conceivably Bill had time to think about it even though the viewer never saw him putting any thought to it.  Maybe I should start now - gathering my thoughts.  I know there are people who even make videos and such, especially if their children are really young.  I think there is so much I'd want to say I don't know if I could ever finalize the copy.  I might just wind up saying something like, "Well, it's been nice knowing you - see you on the other side."  But I hope I can go out like Bill.

In the end, "Death" learned about love and acted accordingly.  Really a nice movie - makes me cry every time.