Too Late For a New Tradition?

One day I had two songs in my head jumbled together.  I texted my son, a musician, and told him how Seal's "Kiss from a Rose" and Shawn Mendes' "Stitches" kept playing a mash-up in my mind.  He commented that their chord progressions sound very similar.

Another day I had a lyric stuck in my head and I thought maybe he would enjoy a text-game of Complete the Lyric.  I frequently have snippets of songs in my head and thought maybe I'd start a new habit of texting him partial lyrics for him to complete.  Then I suddenly imagined 10 1/2 months from now if I'm not here anymore that would be one more thing for him to miss about me.  So maybe I shouldn't start doing it on a regular basis.

Fictional Logic

A few months ago I was in between book club books - finished and turned one in, hadn't made it by a different library to pick up the next one yet, so I picked up a book from my "Want to Read" shelf.  I've already got them organized in the basic order I want to read them and I was in a hurry on my way to work so I just grabbed "The Baron's Apprenctice".  I think I picked this book up at my church rummage sale after it was over and they were just begging people to carry stuff off so they didn't have to deal with it.  The back of the book made it sound like a genealogy mystery with maybe some history and romance mixed in.  Once I actually started reading the book there were a few pages up front that explained how the author had already done several books like this one that were retelling Scottish or Irish folk stories.  It also went on to talk about all the religious basis and how this is the third book in the series of a central character and demonstrated the religious growth of that character.  

Okay, well, I'm not anti-religion so I'll keep reading; it's all I have available at the moment anyway.

So the book was a little dry, the print was tiny, and the wording was antiquated.  But underneath it all the story was enjoyable.  

What was most intriguing to me is one character who is mad at God because her son, the one of her three children she loved the most, was taken from her.  She doesn't think there could be a God if cruel things like that happen and shows up at church every week to sit in her pew and read trashy French novels.  The priest visits her at home and points out that if there is no God then there is no Heaven so then her son must be where, in  Hell?  She was shocked that the priest would imply that her son was anywhere but in Heaven.  However, he points out, if she wants to believe that her son is in Heaven, then there must be a loving God who welcomed him there.

The author said it more eloquently than I but I believe I captured the concept.  While I can't say I personally have known anyone who feels this way, I know people who know people who do.  If I ever have an opportunity to speak to such a person I hope I remember this logic.

Generally Healthy

I think I take my health for granted.  Since I started working in schools five years ago, I can count on one hand the number of times I've been sick.  

I used to be sick more often.  Ten or fifteen years ago when I telecommuted I remember being often glad I worked from home so I could blow my nose and not have to worry about coughing on anyone.  I remember being sick on business trips.

I don't really know what was the catalyst for change.  Maybe less airplane travel?

There are ten women in my bookclub and it seems like any given month at least one of them are sick.  (I really don't think it is an excuse, I think it is a legitimate sickness.)

And just recently someone I thought was healthy had a heart problem, someone else who seemed like she would outrun anything that came her way got cancer for the second time - this time in the colon, and a couple other distant relatives were hospitalized for some reason or other.

Yet I walk around with nary a sniffle but a nagging feeling that I will die of some illness on 7/12/17.

Chinese Lettered Paper

Several months ago I listened to an audio book - Lisa See's "Dreams of Joy".

This is the second of her books I have listened to.  The other was "Peony in Love".  Honestly, I'm not a big fan of Asian culture.  I've never felt inclined to study it or to visit there.  However, I really enjoy these books.  They, seemingly, weave culture into the stories - I assume it is a true picture of the culture but have no frame of reference.  

I was really intrigued by their reverence for "lettered paper".  At first I thought the characters were referring to fancy stationary.  But, apparently, they meant paper that had been written on.  The ancient tradition had people working as paper collectors who would collect any paper with writing on it.  Those collections would then be burned with the belief that the words would be re-cycled through the eco-system to inspire other writers.  Obviously, to a foreigner, it sounds silly.  But, to me as an author it also sounds beautiful.

A Tough Day

About 18 months ago I decided I wanted to be a teacher.  I signed up for a certification program, passed all the requirements, and began looking for a job.  Summer is the biggest time to seek employment as a teacher.  I went through the first summer and applied for the jobs I was eligible for but only got one interview and not hired.

Over the next school year I attained an additional certification so I'd be more marketable.  I had a principal who wanted to hire me but the position required an additional certification - so I got it too.  But then I found out I was ineligible for the part-time position because as a first year teacher I would need to be employed full time.  

It was now a couple weeks into June so I started applying for jobs like crazy.  I have applied for close to 70 teaching jobs. 20 of those were "internal" in the current district I was working in but none of them called me for an interview, in spite of all the recommended politicking.  I have only recently been called for two interviews.  Interestingly they were both for the most recent certification I obtained (for the part time position).

Yesterday I found out that both of those positions chose someone else.  Later that day I went to turn in my iPad, badge and keys in the district I've worked in for three years.  I'm moving to a different district that offered me a higher salary for less working hours (in addition to being a little closer to home).  I genuinely LIKED that district and the town and ALL the people I worked with.  (I expect to like my new district just as much and it is my hope that they will value internal applicants more and thus make my transition to teaching a little easier - but right now that is all an unknown.) 

Point is, yesterday was a sad day for me.  It was a down day.  I don't have many of them.  I shed more than a few tears.  (A few are escaping right now as I recount the day.)  As I was driving around this little town that I love for what will likely be the last time in a long while, I wanted to call someone and share my sadness.  I called my daughter, but she was unavailable.  I do have some friends but none of them that I call on the phone and commiserate with.  And even so they were all at work.

I REALLY wanted to call my mother.  She died almost three years ago.  Even many months before she died I had experienced the loss of not being able to call her on the phone because dimentia made meaningful conversation difficult.  It was sort of a warm up for losing her completely so in some ways it made her death easier.  Until yesterday.

And in the midst of all that sadness and self-pity party of which no amount of plattitudes could pull me out, it occurred to me that in less than a year my daughter might be mssing talking to me on the phone.

Although lately I'm becoming more and more convinced that 7/12/17 is going to be the day I finally fet hired as a teacher!