Have You Seen My Christmas Spirit?

This may be my last Christmas on earth.  This may be my last chance to create wonderful Christmas memories with my children.  I thought I would be SO in the Christmas spirit.  I thought I would have that motivation magically energize me to be like that episode of "Two and a Half Men" (Santa's Village of the Damned) and look like Christmas threw up all over my living room.

Instead I feel more overladed and somewhat apathetic than other years even though I really don't have much going on.  My gate decorations were haphazardly done in four different sessions and it looks the worst it ever has.  My pre-lit tree is dying a slow death and every year for the last couple of years we've been adding extra lights to it.  Normally we do the tree on Black Friday but this year it went up over a week later.  I ran out of lights and didn't want to wait to get more.  I decided we could just live with less lights and a big dark gap on our tree.  Not because I was eager to get the tree up but because I was eager to get it over with. I loathed doing the lights and tinsel and then fussed at my 11 year old to do the ornaments.

I used to have Christmas music playing 24x7 in my house.  This year I barely even listen to the station in the car.  Instead I'm listening to an audio book - not even related to Christmas.  Years ago JCPenney gave out Christmas buttons and I got a lot.  I used to wear at least one every day in December.  I don't even know where they are this year.  And I have yet to wear an Ugly sweater.

On a positive note - I did make the BEST batch of eggnog I've ever made using the same recipe I've been using for years.

My plan is to spend time with the family - especially the youngest.  Over Thanksgiving break we cuddled every day on the sofa and watched a movie.  I think for Christmas break we will play a game every day.  Because that's really what I want for him - to plant memories.  If I over did the decorations this year then they might notice the absence next year.  However it goes, if I'm not here next Christmas, it's going to feel different for them.  So hopefully quality time is the best thing I can do for them.