A Momentary Laugh

I was talking to someone a few days ago who happened to mention that there would be a new Harry Potter book coming out next year.  I asked when and she said Summer 2017 and that she wasn't sure of the exact date.  I chuckled and proclaimed it would be out on July 12, 2017.

"What a relief!" I thought to myself. 

Now, granted, I have followed the Harry Potter saga.  All the books are within my house.  I have fond memories of reading the first four or five books to my older children.  There was a lot of controversy when the books first came out that they might be of the devil so I read them out loud to my then-elementary-school children just in case there was anything we needed to discuss.  There wasn't; but, I enjoyed the family bonding so it became a tradition for each book.  Towards the end of the books, a couple of times, I'd tell the kids, "I don't care if it's a school night - you are staying up until we finish this book" because it was so suspenseful I wanted to find out what happened.  Just the same though - I wouldn't call myself a HUGE fan.  So, the idea that God would reveal this date especially to me is rather laughable.

NOTE TO SELF:  If my own novel is completed by then, do NOT release it during July 2017 because it would obviously be over-shadowed by the new Harry Potter book.

Today as I prepared to write this post I Googled and it seems I've been misinformed.  A new book is coming out July 31, 2016, the day after a play based on the book opens.  2017 will be the twentieth anniversary of the first book.  Also, according to Pottermore.com:  Next year will see the publication of four special editions of the first book in the UK, one for each of the four Hogwarts houses. There will also be a brand new edition ofFantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them in 2017, with new content by J.K. Rowling, as well as new formats and editions of the Hogwarts Library books – Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Quidditch Through the Ages and The Tales of Beedle the Bard.

Oh well - for a couple of days I had a bit of a laugh.

Again I say - I'm a wimp

I've been sick the last couple of weeks - some sort of respiratory virus or infection.  It started on President's day with what felt like a little patch of humidity in my chest.  In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gone for a walk in the moist evening air - but exercise is good, right?  That night I thought I would choke as I slept.  Some cold medicine kept me at work the next couple of days.  I slept on the reclining sofa so I wouldn't bother my husband.  Then I started a fever - the night before I was scheduled for a teacher certification test.  With these tests you pay your money ahead of time and there is no rescheduling.  So, feverish and coughing, only allowed two tissues and two unwrapped cough drops on my desk at a time, I took the test (and passed!) and then went straight to the doctor. 

He put me on some strong antibiotics.  I stayed home from work on Friday except when I took my husband to the doctor - he wound up with pneumonia.  By Saturday I was feeling on the road to recovery, finally fever free, and sat outside with my son at a tennis tournament.  But Sunday the side effects kicked in.  Stomach upset and extreme exhaustion.  I went to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because I figured I wasn't contagious.  On Wednesday I actually laid down on my lunch break and took a nap.  That's when I learned not contagious and not sick are not the same thing.  I took the next two days off work and spent them plus the weekend just resting a lot and eating a little.

I did have to make a few pharmacy and juice runs and as I looked at the other people walking around carefree I tried to remember what it felt like to be healthy.  By Monday, a full two weeks after my symptoms began, I felt exactly like I had when it all started - that little patch of moisture in my chest.  Unfortunately now my doctor has taken a few days off so I can't see him for several more days.  It feels like my family will never be healthy again.  It feels like we've been sick forever. 

And then I think of the people I know who have been fighting cancer for more than a year.  I think of them and I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I'm tired of sickness.  My sickness is a drop in the bucket compared to the flood that has invaded their lives.  I see now why the most inspirational of them find joy in every moment and relish every day of life they are given.  It would be so easy to get sucked down the drain of sickness and misery.  I am even more inspired now to realize how much effort it must take to remain as positive as they do.

Stockpiling Blankets

I have a large walk-in closet and recently I noticed how many blankets I have stashed around in there.

     1.  a blue fuzzy one that my mom bought for me on a trip across the Mexican border back in the 80s.  There is some sort of flower design on it and the backside is the negative of the front.  It was my bedspread for a lot of years.

     2.  a multicolored crocheted afghan that my grandma made for me.  There were two things that she gave each grandchild: an afghan and an embroidered zodiac.  It was like a rite of passage.  I've long since disposed of the zodiac.

     3.  another afghan made by my grandmother that I selected from her home after she passed away and was in my daughter's room for a lot of years

     4.  a queen sized white loose-weave cotton blanket that reminds me of one my great-aunt used to have

     5.  a simple white quilt that was in my mom's guest room

If I had to get rid of one it would be a very hard decision.  When I look at them they spark an emotion of comfort.

These are in addition to my two favorite blankets that perch around the living room waiting to be used at any time - a brown fleece and also a brown angel w/ the same sort of negative pattern.  The fleece one I acquired from my mother's collection after she passed away - I like it because it is big and soft and brown is my favorite color.  I can't quite recall how I got the angel one - maybe my kids picked it out for me, or it was a gift exchange - for a time I was really into angels as decorations.  Sometimes it is a little too small but usually it is sufficient.  

If I ever get into a health crisis where I spend a lot of time laying around recovering - I'll definitely have plenty of blankets to be comforted by.

Maybe It's Not Me

All I really know is that 7/12/17 will be a significant day.  The dream that told me this was in December 2013.  When I woke from the dream I felt like it was the date of my death, but as my experience with prophetic dreams tells me, I get the gist but I don't always get all the details right.  So maybe it's not me that's going to die that day.  That gives me hope.  Maybe it's someone close to me that will die.  Still not something I'd wish for but I find this slightly preferable to my own death.  I've already been through the death of a husband and a mother; I know I'll be fine.  I'd rather stay behind and deal with the aftermath of someone else's death than think about inflicting that aftermath on someone I love.  Not that I think my loved ones are weak and incapable, I know they could handle it.  But it's not fun.  The mom in me wants to save them from the pain and frustration.  Of course, along those lines, whoever dies I'd like it to be quick and painless.  (As if I have any say in the matter!)

Lullabye - Billy Joel

This song came out when my middle son (now 22) was a baby.  I sang it to him EVERY night.  It was like a magical song.  One time through and he was asleep.  

I've been listening to the Billy Joel Channel on Sirius XM Radio for the last few weeks since it is a limited time channel.  I finally heard this song last week for the first time on that channel.  I cried.  I called my son and told him how this had actually been his lullaby.  I never sang to his older sister and I rarely sang to his younger brother.  Interestingly, that middle son is now a musician.  (@JacobAndrew - Search iTunes or Google Play for Jacob Andrew.  Also you can see the "Glad It's You" video on You Tube.)

"Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" - by Billy Joel

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be

Last night I heard the song again on the Billy Joel channel.  This time Don Henley was the guest DJ.  He said every time he hears it he cries.   Last week when I heard it and last night too I listened to it a different way and I cried.  I imagined my son singing it at my funeral.  At my mom's funeral he sang "Amazing Grace".  Even though I asked him a few days ahead of time he didn't practice it and looked up the lyrics at the church.  Still he managed to do a nice job with it, but I hope he practices this one ahead of time.  I don't feel like I can ask him now to start preparing this song though, because  a couple of weeks ago we were in the grocery store and out of the blue he said, with conviction and a small amount of desperation, "You're not going to die any time soon, Mom."    

When he was little he was sick a lot - ear infections and such.  I always had this foreboding sense that he was going to die before I was ready.   I was so glad when he learned to give hugs and I cherished each one because I feared there might not be many more.  Maybe it was postpartum depression...but every now and then I recall and wonder.  

So whomever dies whenever, the one of us left behind will always have a piece of the other in their heart and this song to cry to.

Duh!

After I posted last week I was driving home and had a light bulb moment - although it wasn't a great scientific discovery, it was really more just clearing up my own stupidity.

Duh!  Where do the atheists get their gifts from...the devil.  The same one that was whispering in my ear.  Maybe it was more like shouting for a little bit because I couldn't even see the truly obvious as opposed to my temporary conclusion on what was obvious.

Lost and Found

Last week I was listening to a radio program interviewing someone who, from my view point, has found much success in their life.  The person mentioned they were an atheist. 

I think I actually lost my faith for a few hours.  Suddenly it just seemed so logical that if some people, like Bill Gates for example, can find such success and not believe in God, then certainly God didn't give them their success, so there must not be a God.

I started playing out scenarios - how would my family take the news?  Could I even tell them?  What if I caused them to lose their faith?  My argument against God seemed so cut and dry but yet I felt I shouldn't ruin things for anyone else.  If faith worked for them, and they hadn't seen the obviousness as I now had, I wasn't going to tell them - they needed to come to it on their own.

I wondered what I would do on Sundays now, and after death - then what?  I guess death would be like turning off a TV.  Nothing scary about that.

Later that evening I received a message from a special friend who I hadn't heard from in a number of months.  Throughout the last several decades God has used this particular friend in a variety of ways and at numerous times to give me special messages - reassurance, direction, etc.  Receiving a message that night was no coincidence.  A few simple words warmed my heart in such a way that I knew it was only the touch of God.

The next day at work, one of my favorite students came in to tell me he had finished all his coursework and was graduating early.  I have often thought over the two and a half years I have worked with this young man, that he was the reason I had been brought to this campus. 

Many times we go through struggles and we know God has a plan but we can't see it.  Several years ago there was a big shakeup where I was working.  Scandal caused the big managers to resign.  The interim manager and I had just never been best buds and he arranged a demotion for me.  I found myself doing work far below my college degree with people who maybe graduated high school.  Some of them were nice and I absolutely appreciated the hard work they did every day.  But some of them were back-stabbers and drama queens.  Furthermore, I was not of the same culture as them and, yes folks, even white people can be discriminated against.  I suffered through six months in that position and took the first job out of there.  That led me to where I am now.  Where I have been happily employed for 2 1/2 years.  Where I began working with the aforementioned favorite student young man.  I've often thought that he was the reason I went through all that - it was God's design to get our paths to cross so I could help him.  I've often thought that even though I have since passed my teaching certification I haven't gotten hired as a teacher because I still needed to be here - near enough to support that student.

So the day after I briefly lost my faith, it was no small coincidence that that young man came to tell me he was ready to move on.   When he was in 9th grade and not a strong reader I took him into the school library and read the English novels aloud to him.  When he was in 10th grade, and it wasn't even my job anymore to work with him, he sought me out after school for math tutoring - I didn't refuse.  I encouraged him to enroll at the self-paced / accelerated graduation campus and together we completed his application.  And he just blew through his last two years of high school in five months!  The boy who said he wasn't coming back after 9th grade is now a high school graduate.  And I had a hand in that!!  I'm not one to toot my own horn, and obviously he did all the work, but I really think without my support and encouragement he would not have stuck it out.  He is the first high school graduate in his family.  My heart was warmed again as only God's touch can. 

That same day I found out that my teaching certificate is not as limited as I was told it was.  I had been told I needed to stack some additional certifications to be able to teach anything other than 7th grade math.  Turns out that's not the case - I can teach any middle school math.  I felt like that was confirmation that indeed God had been holding me here to see that student through.  Now he's moved on and I can too.  Like God was saying, "Well done good and faithful servant - now here is your reward, you are released to the next phase I have planned for you."

I still have to be careful because that little atheist voice has not stopped trying to whisper in my ear.  But I'm getting good at turning the other cheek.