A Journey I Don't Want to Go On

In my waking life I love to travel, am super-organized, and think fondly of California.

In mid-December, 2013 I had a dream that I was supposed to go on a trip to California and I was doing everything BUT packing.  I did NOT want to go on this trip.  I tried to tell myself that it would be good because I was taking my older son to a doctor that was really going to help him and I'd be able to take my younger son to Disney.  But still I did NOT want to go.

I woke with the certainty that God had some sort of life-journey planned for me that was not going to be overly enjoyable.  I try to appreciate the "heads-up".  When I think of this journey I wonder what it will be.  I really hope it is NOT cancer.  If I had a choice it would be anything but cancer.  Caner is so uncontrollable.  People fight hard and still die.  Others seem to breeze through it.  But I've never thought of myself as a breezer.  I'd rather have something I can semi-control (because obviously God is sending me on this journey so I'm in control of nothing).  Tell me I have diabetes and I'll learn to manage my diet.  Cut my legs off and I'll learn to walk with prosthesis or use a wheel chair.   Take my hearing or even my sight and I'll adapt.  But please, God, don't give me cancer.