Maybe Cancer is Better

Given my recent ponderings on how frustrating it is to deal with a parent who is losing their cognitive abilities, maybe cancer IS better.  I've never known anyone who recovered from dementia but at least with cancer there is hope of overcoming it.  Seeing the physical changes cancer brings on in a parent may be sad or even weird but certainly not frustrating.  With dementia, sometimes the parent looks normal and might even sound normal for a moment, giving one a false sense of normalcy which just serves to be a let down all over again for the hopeful descendant.

Having a parent with dementia is a roller coaster of grief so for the children's sake perhaps cancer is better.

Perhaps even for the afflicted.  One never knows of how much an aging mind is aware.  Sometimes it seems like they have an idea that they are not making sense.  I can only imagine how scary that must be.  Imagine looking at a 9 year old boy and thinking it is your grandson "A".  (In reality grandson "A" is 24 years old.)  So you ask the friendly face in front of you, although you're not sure who she is, how "A" is getting home.  And she says it is not "A" but "B" and "B" is her child but she is not your daughter so who are these people.  And this is all happening in your home!  People you can't place telling you what you know to be true is not true.  It must feel like an episode of the Twilight Zone.

Maybe you feel afraid so you don't say anything and just try and get through as if you were in a hostage situation and you're just going to keep a low profile until they leave.  Or maybe you feel confused and just don't know what to think but you don't know the people in your living room so your instinct tells you not to confide your confusion to them.  Or maybe you realize your mistake and feel embarrassed.  Your wounded pride causes you to lash out and say something like, "I know who that is, I know my own grandson" but now you know the air in the room is a lot heavier and people, (people that you still can't place) are now exchanging knowing looks with each other which makes you more confused and embarrassed and angry.

I've always thought of myself as fairly intelligent and enjoyed intellectual pursuits, so I imagine I would not enjoy losing my mind (who would, really).  I like to plan and organize - not knowing who people were or what year it was would be a big hindrance to that.  If I had cancer at least I could still read and have intelligent conversation and plan menus for family gatherings.  I think I'm starting to fear dementia more than cancer.