With her permission, I share some of her words here:
But when things get a little serious (and it only takes a little), I can immediately feel the weight of what's happening.
Our friend was here for a short meeting to talk about me switching my insurance to John's and a couple other things. And I'm not sure what was said, maybe it was the urgency of taking care of things before my insurance period ended, maybe it was getting a bone density scan or talk of wills and powers of attorney, maybe it was talk of not going back to teaching this Fall?
It's all important. And we need to talk about those things.
But I couldn't fight back the tears. And I still can't even as I write this.
It's taken me a long time to realize my worth, and how much I truly want to live.
And, darn it, I want to live!
I'm strong, and so blessed, and the Lord's grace is all over me. So, honestly, I'm at peace with it all most of the time.
But sometimes, like now, I remember that I've been officially deemed "terminal." Yes, we're all terminal. But for all my efforts, this thing could still grow, and I may not be here next month.
I'm simply too young to miss all there is.
I'm sad.
You know, I think it's ok to be in this place sometimes. And just let myself feel. I spent a lot of years suppressing my feelings, not thinking I was worthy to have them. So now there's something almost joyful about being sad, because I'm just being me with no apologies. And that feels kind of good.
Our friend was here for a short meeting to talk about me switching my insurance to John's and a couple other things. And I'm not sure what was said, maybe it was the urgency of taking care of things before my insurance period ended, maybe it was getting a bone density scan or talk of wills and powers of attorney, maybe it was talk of not going back to teaching this Fall?
It's all important. And we need to talk about those things.
But I couldn't fight back the tears. And I still can't even as I write this.
It's taken me a long time to realize my worth, and how much I truly want to live.
And, darn it, I want to live!
I'm strong, and so blessed, and the Lord's grace is all over me. So, honestly, I'm at peace with it all most of the time.
But sometimes, like now, I remember that I've been officially deemed "terminal." Yes, we're all terminal. But for all my efforts, this thing could still grow, and I may not be here next month.
I'm simply too young to miss all there is.
I'm sad.
You know, I think it's ok to be in this place sometimes. And just let myself feel. I spent a lot of years suppressing my feelings, not thinking I was worthy to have them. So now there's something almost joyful about being sad, because I'm just being me with no apologies. And that feels kind of good.
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