Confessing Fear

Before my birthday I was talking to an acquaintance and told her about my birthday plans but didn't elaborate on my inspiration for making specific and significant plans.  The next time I saw her, after my birthday, another lady joined our conversation.  The other lady, out of the blue, told us that her daughter has significant and unusual dreams, including one recently which told her the dates that many of her friends and loved ones would die.  She wrote them down and when they did the math they were reasonable dates.  So I confessed about my dream and corresponding birthday plans.  They did not seem to think me any stranger.

I thought about telling my kids why I was specifically making unique plans with them but in the end I didn't because I felt it might cast a shadow of obligation onto our time together.  You might think they could read about it in my blog but it seems they rarely read my blog unless I make a Facebook post about it and tag them in it.  I think they probably don't like to think about the subject.  I hope they will read it after I am gone though.

In my email signature I have a link to my website where I post book reviews and also a teaser question and link to my blog.  Quite often I delete the links before I send an email - not so much because of the book reviews but because of the blog.  I definitely take it off of any communication with hiring managers.  But sometimes I even take it off of communications with people from my church.  I have found that email systems think the signature is advertising and will sometimes target my outgoing mail as spam in somebody else's inbox.  But I have also found that sometimes I am uncertain how people would react to my blog and in fear I delete the link. In church last Sunday I saw 2 Timothy 1:6-8, 13-14 and felt chastised as I read "do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord".

Fear is an odd thing.  I fear death, but I don't fear being right about the date.   I do fear being wrong about the date and, as a result, looking foolish like those cults that pop up from time to time and say the world is going to end - and then it doesn't and everyone thinks they are just kooky.