I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service.
While reading Debbie MacComber's "Knit Together" (which I've mentioned in previous posts) I realized I don't study the Bible as much as I used to. So, it's not much, but I got an app that sends me a verse of the day. When I read the verse above I thought it might be a handy one to remember.
On my more reflective days, I appreciate the trust God had in me to raise the three children He blessed me with. But beyond that, I know that whatever my upcoming journey may be, somehow I want to glorify God through it. Hopefully I can remember that whatever the challenge, God trusted me when he gave me the job.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Growing my own Food Supply
Several years ago I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of food recalls that were occurring and I felt called to start growing my own food sources for my family. I got my then teenage son outside to help prepare a patch of land, my husband built a frame and we ordered some garden dirt. I planted, I fed, I watered, I safeguarded and we starved. Or, we would have if that was our sole food source!
Even when I buy a tomato plant labeled "Big Boy" and with a good healthy start to it already, I only get a few tomatoes the size of cherry tomatoes. My carrots were baby carrots and my broccoli stalks were florets. What we did cultivate we enjoyed but after three or four seasons of growing, including rotating locations as recommended, I've determined I am not a gardener.
Since we live in the country and don't subscribe to garbage pick up, I throw food scraps out in a corner of the yard. When I started that several years ago I thought maybe something would spontaneously grow there. Not just from a Murphy's Law standpoint but it seemed likely since animals walk over it and push seed down into the ground and probably graze there and maybe poop there for natural fertilization. It gets some sun but not all day sun and of course it gets rain. But even with all those natural things going on - nothing grows.
So glad we have access to a local market that provides high quality meat and produce at an affordable price! A gardener I am not. My new thing is replacing some convenience foods like yogurt and pop-tarts with homemade versions. I'm much better with a spatula than a shovel. The Donvier Yogurt Maker makes it SO easy. I've got a great recipe for rolls from scratch. I par-bake them and freeze several servings in one Saturday so I've got a few months worth. With patience I'm finding several brands for staples like cheese and pasta that I can buy with the confidence of knowing there are no junk ingredients in them and their processes agree with my priorities.
If I live past 7/12/17 maybe it will be because I took enough processed crap out of my diet to tip the scales in my favor. Even though I failed at gardening I listened to the call - and that right there is a success. It led me down a different path that branched off a couple of times, but I am more educated and aware than if I had stuck my head in the garden dirt and not changed anything.
Even when I buy a tomato plant labeled "Big Boy" and with a good healthy start to it already, I only get a few tomatoes the size of cherry tomatoes. My carrots were baby carrots and my broccoli stalks were florets. What we did cultivate we enjoyed but after three or four seasons of growing, including rotating locations as recommended, I've determined I am not a gardener.
Since we live in the country and don't subscribe to garbage pick up, I throw food scraps out in a corner of the yard. When I started that several years ago I thought maybe something would spontaneously grow there. Not just from a Murphy's Law standpoint but it seemed likely since animals walk over it and push seed down into the ground and probably graze there and maybe poop there for natural fertilization. It gets some sun but not all day sun and of course it gets rain. But even with all those natural things going on - nothing grows.
So glad we have access to a local market that provides high quality meat and produce at an affordable price! A gardener I am not. My new thing is replacing some convenience foods like yogurt and pop-tarts with homemade versions. I'm much better with a spatula than a shovel. The Donvier Yogurt Maker makes it SO easy. I've got a great recipe for rolls from scratch. I par-bake them and freeze several servings in one Saturday so I've got a few months worth. With patience I'm finding several brands for staples like cheese and pasta that I can buy with the confidence of knowing there are no junk ingredients in them and their processes agree with my priorities.
If I live past 7/12/17 maybe it will be because I took enough processed crap out of my diet to tip the scales in my favor. Even though I failed at gardening I listened to the call - and that right there is a success. It led me down a different path that branched off a couple of times, but I am more educated and aware than if I had stuck my head in the garden dirt and not changed anything.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
What if this is all there is?
I think every one feels their life goes through cycles: times of everything in sync and rolling smoothly, times of mediocrity, and times of chaos. Right now I'm in a mediocre time and I've begun to wonder - what if this is all there is? What if this is all I was meant to do?
I'm not currently working in anything for which I'll win an award. Not like winning Checker of the Year in college or the Circle of Excellence (complete with trip to Puerto Rico) during my days in corporate America.
Maybe I'll still get a book written but if I were a betting gal I'd say odds were not in my favor.
Obviously not everyone accomplishes something great in their lifetime. There are people who live life to the fullest, and there are people who are content to just run on the hamster wheel of life. I am the person who watches the hamsters running and wonders how they can stand it in there, running on that wheel day and night. I am a very loyal person in my jobs and in my marriage - but I do like to shake things up a little bit. I do enjoy a change of pace or scenery. I don't want to go skydiving or anything - but every few years the urge strikes me to break out of mediocre.
In the past I have always been able to satisfy this urge with a big vacation. But right now I'm not in a position to do that. And not knowing what lies ahead - maybe I never will be again.
My mom lived her whole 75 years wanting to go to Greece, the country of her ancestors. She finally got there when she was in her 70s. And what did it do for her? For her last five years she could say she did it. But it didn't make her death any more or less peaceful.
Intellectually I think there is value in travel when you are young because it provides different perspectives and helps you become more well rounded. But after a certain age (call me age-ist), it just seems frivolous - on an intellectual level. And impractical on a health and mobility level.
In my mid-40s my morals, values and beliefs are pretty well formed. I might expand on something by reading a book, but I don't need to go do mission work in Africa to expand my perception of poverty. The only thing likely to become more rounded if I travel is my belly from eating too much.
But emotionally - that is where I'm stuck. I wouldn't turn down an opportunity to finally visit Europe, but if I only had one trip left in my life it would be a hard choice between taking the kids to Disney and creating memories for them or satisfying my personal emotions and reconnecting with my friends and family in Brazil.
And then I think, to what end? Will I take the memories with me when I go?
After reading "Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber I've come to the conclusion that it's such a fine line between working to accomplish our dreams while being content with where we are at. Because no matter how succesful I might become, if I am constantly looking ahead to the next project and
can't be content with the now, then achieving the dream means nothing.
I'm not currently working in anything for which I'll win an award. Not like winning Checker of the Year in college or the Circle of Excellence (complete with trip to Puerto Rico) during my days in corporate America.
Maybe I'll still get a book written but if I were a betting gal I'd say odds were not in my favor.
Obviously not everyone accomplishes something great in their lifetime. There are people who live life to the fullest, and there are people who are content to just run on the hamster wheel of life. I am the person who watches the hamsters running and wonders how they can stand it in there, running on that wheel day and night. I am a very loyal person in my jobs and in my marriage - but I do like to shake things up a little bit. I do enjoy a change of pace or scenery. I don't want to go skydiving or anything - but every few years the urge strikes me to break out of mediocre.
In the past I have always been able to satisfy this urge with a big vacation. But right now I'm not in a position to do that. And not knowing what lies ahead - maybe I never will be again.
My mom lived her whole 75 years wanting to go to Greece, the country of her ancestors. She finally got there when she was in her 70s. And what did it do for her? For her last five years she could say she did it. But it didn't make her death any more or less peaceful.
Intellectually I think there is value in travel when you are young because it provides different perspectives and helps you become more well rounded. But after a certain age (call me age-ist), it just seems frivolous - on an intellectual level. And impractical on a health and mobility level.
In my mid-40s my morals, values and beliefs are pretty well formed. I might expand on something by reading a book, but I don't need to go do mission work in Africa to expand my perception of poverty. The only thing likely to become more rounded if I travel is my belly from eating too much.
But emotionally - that is where I'm stuck. I wouldn't turn down an opportunity to finally visit Europe, but if I only had one trip left in my life it would be a hard choice between taking the kids to Disney and creating memories for them or satisfying my personal emotions and reconnecting with my friends and family in Brazil.
And then I think, to what end? Will I take the memories with me when I go?
After reading "Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber I've come to the conclusion that it's such a fine line between working to accomplish our dreams while being content with where we are at. Because no matter how succesful I might become, if I am constantly looking ahead to the next project and
can't be content with the now, then achieving the dream means nothing.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Smoothie Shaking
I drink a lot of smoothies in the car. My kids make fun of me because I wiggle the cup so that it doesn't settle. Sometimes I have a vision that at the gathering after my funeral, one of my children will have a drink and wiggle the cup at the others and they will all laugh. My guess is it will be the middle child - but it doesn't matter, as long as they remember me fondly.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
I Could Be a Saint
In church one Sunday the Priest referenced a lady who had heard the voice of God while she was alive and post-humously (as is always the) case became a saint. It occurred to me that perhaps one day I would be a candidate for sainthood.
So, according to dummies.com here are the steps:
First - it must be proven that I lived a virtuous life, had faith, and had support from God. Additionally, some miracles as evidence that God worked through me. So, what is virtuous? I don't have any of the traditional vices - smoking, drinking, gambling, etc. I have always been faithful to my husband. But I have lost my temper from time to time. I have been less than patient with my children and occasionally to a random stranger. Perhaps I'm out of the running already - or maybe God understands that we are all human after all. Obviously I have faith. Support from God - also check! Don't we all get this on a daily basis - whether we recognize it or not? Miracles that God worked through me - nothing as big as water into wine, but there have been times when God has done some cool stuff with me as His hands and feet.
Next - I should be dead for at least five years and then my pastor should make a case. So, yes, at some point, I will have been dead for at least five years. But will my pastor raise my name up to archbishop? I know my pastor recognizes me and probably could tell you where we sit at which mass and how often. But does he even know my name? Much less how God has been working through me? Perhaps someone else will have to bring this up. So then right away I would be a "Servant of God".
Then a group at the Vatican would determine if I had lived a life of "heroic virtue". Heroic virtue doesn’t mean a person was perfect or sinless, but that she worked aggressively to improve herself spiritually and never gave up trying to be better and grow in holiness.
Okay, I think I'm still in line. "Aggressively" could be a little tricky. I'm not aggressive like a rabid dog. I'm more like the tortoise - slow and steady wins the race. But I definitely have never given up trying to be better and grow in holiness. Just like I've never truly given up on dieting and losing twenty pounds. Sometimes I count calories and measure portions but mostly I just keep trying day after day.
Once I am "venerable" then I can become "blessed" if it is determined that I performed a miracle. A miracle, by definition, is an act that only God can perform. As far as I'm concerned, only God can predict the future. One of my favorite Bible verses is in Job, "God speaks to us through dreams and visions in the night". I considered it miraculous when God told me through a dream in the late 1990s that someone I loved in Brazil was leaving my life (my host-father died unexpectedly within the week). I considered it miraculous when God told me through a dream in 2002 that my co-worker would have a serious shoulder injury (indeed it had occurred that evening but I, naturally, had no knowledge of it until arriving at work the following morning). I considered it miraculous when God showed me a vision of my mother-in-law clothed in white satin and lying on a round bed with sheets of white satin a few hours before she was admitted to the hospital for a heart attack. But can these miracles be confirmed since the dreams were only in my head and I didn't fully understand the message until after the event occurred. Probably not a strong case for confirmation. However, with this blog and my frequent pronouncement that God has told me something big, possibly my death, will occur on July 12, 2017, I would think that when that event occurs it can be confirmed that I had prior knowledge - directly from God.
After becoming "blessed" it takes one more miracle to become a Saint. That may be trickier. Although, one could argue that if one of the students I mentor graduates high school it would be nothing short of miraculous. Or maybe I'll have a miraculous recovery from the cancer that I don't have yet.
The dummies page lists some other criteria including,
So, according to dummies.com here are the steps:
First - it must be proven that I lived a virtuous life, had faith, and had support from God. Additionally, some miracles as evidence that God worked through me. So, what is virtuous? I don't have any of the traditional vices - smoking, drinking, gambling, etc. I have always been faithful to my husband. But I have lost my temper from time to time. I have been less than patient with my children and occasionally to a random stranger. Perhaps I'm out of the running already - or maybe God understands that we are all human after all. Obviously I have faith. Support from God - also check! Don't we all get this on a daily basis - whether we recognize it or not? Miracles that God worked through me - nothing as big as water into wine, but there have been times when God has done some cool stuff with me as His hands and feet.
Next - I should be dead for at least five years and then my pastor should make a case. So, yes, at some point, I will have been dead for at least five years. But will my pastor raise my name up to archbishop? I know my pastor recognizes me and probably could tell you where we sit at which mass and how often. But does he even know my name? Much less how God has been working through me? Perhaps someone else will have to bring this up. So then right away I would be a "Servant of God".
Then a group at the Vatican would determine if I had lived a life of "heroic virtue". Heroic virtue doesn’t mean a person was perfect or sinless, but that she worked aggressively to improve herself spiritually and never gave up trying to be better and grow in holiness.
Okay, I think I'm still in line. "Aggressively" could be a little tricky. I'm not aggressive like a rabid dog. I'm more like the tortoise - slow and steady wins the race. But I definitely have never given up trying to be better and grow in holiness. Just like I've never truly given up on dieting and losing twenty pounds. Sometimes I count calories and measure portions but mostly I just keep trying day after day.
Once I am "venerable" then I can become "blessed" if it is determined that I performed a miracle. A miracle, by definition, is an act that only God can perform. As far as I'm concerned, only God can predict the future. One of my favorite Bible verses is in Job, "God speaks to us through dreams and visions in the night". I considered it miraculous when God told me through a dream in the late 1990s that someone I loved in Brazil was leaving my life (my host-father died unexpectedly within the week). I considered it miraculous when God told me through a dream in 2002 that my co-worker would have a serious shoulder injury (indeed it had occurred that evening but I, naturally, had no knowledge of it until arriving at work the following morning). I considered it miraculous when God showed me a vision of my mother-in-law clothed in white satin and lying on a round bed with sheets of white satin a few hours before she was admitted to the hospital for a heart attack. But can these miracles be confirmed since the dreams were only in my head and I didn't fully understand the message until after the event occurred. Probably not a strong case for confirmation. However, with this blog and my frequent pronouncement that God has told me something big, possibly my death, will occur on July 12, 2017, I would think that when that event occurs it can be confirmed that I had prior knowledge - directly from God.
After becoming "blessed" it takes one more miracle to become a Saint. That may be trickier. Although, one could argue that if one of the students I mentor graduates high school it would be nothing short of miraculous. Or maybe I'll have a miraculous recovery from the cancer that I don't have yet.
The dummies page lists some other criteria including,
- Proof that no one has proclaimed or is already proclaiming and honoring the person as a saint before it’s been officially declared
thus the careful title of this post including "Could Be".
Finally, "Miracles need to be documented and authenticated, so eyewitnesses alone are considered insufficient. Medical, scientific, psychiatric, and theological experts are consulted, and evidence is given to them for their professional opinion. If a scientific, medical, or psychological explanation exists for what had only appeared to be a miracle, then it isn’t an authentic miracle. Only immediate, spontaneous, and inexplicable phenomena are up for consideration as authentic miracles."
So, some pretty tough criteria but - with God, anything is possible. Not that it will matter to me - I'll already be dead.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Knit Together by Debbie Macomber
I don't have a bucket list of activities - but I do have a bucket list of books - or call it a Booket List.
Thanks to audio and eBooks I'm able to read books a lot faster than I used to because I get them in all three formats. One of the books on my list that I read recently was "Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber, an inspirational book about achieving our dreams based on the premise that God puts the dreams in our hearts and therefore it is not wrong to pursue them.
I really enjoyed the book and maybe especially the push it gave me to stop saying I can't write a book because it doesn't fit into my family's schedule. In her book she quotes Oliver Wendell Holmes saying "most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us." Debbie says, " We aren't taking anything away from our families when we pursue our dreams; in fact, I believe we're teaching our children some of the most valuable lessons of their lives." (loc. 869)
Another amazing thought she conveyed was this:
The yoke God gives us is not heavy; it is custom-made for each of us - designed to never wear us out! The burden that we carry when it comes to our purpose and the pattern God has for our lives is never too big - it's just the right size. It's the other things we decide to do on our own that become bulky; they slow us down and leave heavy weights for us to half carry and sometimes half drag.
I've always heard that God does not give us more than we can handle, but it never occurred to me that I myself might pick up things that weren't meant for me.
Makes me want to be more intentional and more attuned to God's word before taking on a new task, habit, action, etc. All while keeping in mind Macomber's suggestion that, "We must be ready to attempt something so great for God that unless He intervenes, we are bound to fail." (loc 766)
It's such a fine line though between working to accomplish our dreams while being content with where we are at. Because no matter how successful I might become, if I am constantly looking ahead to the next project and can't be content with the now, then achieving the dream means nothing.
Thanks to audio and eBooks I'm able to read books a lot faster than I used to because I get them in all three formats. One of the books on my list that I read recently was "Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber, an inspirational book about achieving our dreams based on the premise that God puts the dreams in our hearts and therefore it is not wrong to pursue them.
I really enjoyed the book and maybe especially the push it gave me to stop saying I can't write a book because it doesn't fit into my family's schedule. In her book she quotes Oliver Wendell Holmes saying "most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us." Debbie says, " We aren't taking anything away from our families when we pursue our dreams; in fact, I believe we're teaching our children some of the most valuable lessons of their lives." (loc. 869)
Another amazing thought she conveyed was this:
The yoke God gives us is not heavy; it is custom-made for each of us - designed to never wear us out! The burden that we carry when it comes to our purpose and the pattern God has for our lives is never too big - it's just the right size. It's the other things we decide to do on our own that become bulky; they slow us down and leave heavy weights for us to half carry and sometimes half drag.
I've always heard that God does not give us more than we can handle, but it never occurred to me that I myself might pick up things that weren't meant for me.
Makes me want to be more intentional and more attuned to God's word before taking on a new task, habit, action, etc. All while keeping in mind Macomber's suggestion that, "We must be ready to attempt something so great for God that unless He intervenes, we are bound to fail." (loc 766)
It's such a fine line though between working to accomplish our dreams while being content with where we are at. Because no matter how successful I might become, if I am constantly looking ahead to the next project and can't be content with the now, then achieving the dream means nothing.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Maybe Cancer is Better
Given my recent ponderings on how frustrating it is to deal with a parent who is losing their cognitive abilities, maybe cancer IS better. I've never known anyone who recovered from dementia but at least with cancer there is hope of overcoming it. Seeing the physical changes cancer brings on in a parent may be sad or even weird but certainly not frustrating. With dementia, sometimes the parent looks normal and might even sound normal for a moment, giving one a false sense of normalcy which just serves to be a let down all over again for the hopeful descendant.
Having a parent with dementia is a roller coaster of grief so for the children's sake perhaps cancer is better.
Perhaps even for the afflicted. One never knows of how much an aging mind is aware. Sometimes it seems like they have an idea that they are not making sense. I can only imagine how scary that must be. Imagine looking at a 9 year old boy and thinking it is your grandson "A". (In reality grandson "A" is 24 years old.) So you ask the friendly face in front of you, although you're not sure who she is, how "A" is getting home. And she says it is not "A" but "B" and "B" is her child but she is not your daughter so who are these people. And this is all happening in your home! People you can't place telling you what you know to be true is not true. It must feel like an episode of the Twilight Zone.
Maybe you feel afraid so you don't say anything and just try and get through as if you were in a hostage situation and you're just going to keep a low profile until they leave. Or maybe you feel confused and just don't know what to think but you don't know the people in your living room so your instinct tells you not to confide your confusion to them. Or maybe you realize your mistake and feel embarrassed. Your wounded pride causes you to lash out and say something like, "I know who that is, I know my own grandson" but now you know the air in the room is a lot heavier and people, (people that you still can't place) are now exchanging knowing looks with each other which makes you more confused and embarrassed and angry.
I've always thought of myself as fairly intelligent and enjoyed intellectual pursuits, so I imagine I would not enjoy losing my mind (who would, really). I like to plan and organize - not knowing who people were or what year it was would be a big hindrance to that. If I had cancer at least I could still read and have intelligent conversation and plan menus for family gatherings. I think I'm starting to fear dementia more than cancer.
Having a parent with dementia is a roller coaster of grief so for the children's sake perhaps cancer is better.
Perhaps even for the afflicted. One never knows of how much an aging mind is aware. Sometimes it seems like they have an idea that they are not making sense. I can only imagine how scary that must be. Imagine looking at a 9 year old boy and thinking it is your grandson "A". (In reality grandson "A" is 24 years old.) So you ask the friendly face in front of you, although you're not sure who she is, how "A" is getting home. And she says it is not "A" but "B" and "B" is her child but she is not your daughter so who are these people. And this is all happening in your home! People you can't place telling you what you know to be true is not true. It must feel like an episode of the Twilight Zone.
Maybe you feel afraid so you don't say anything and just try and get through as if you were in a hostage situation and you're just going to keep a low profile until they leave. Or maybe you feel confused and just don't know what to think but you don't know the people in your living room so your instinct tells you not to confide your confusion to them. Or maybe you realize your mistake and feel embarrassed. Your wounded pride causes you to lash out and say something like, "I know who that is, I know my own grandson" but now you know the air in the room is a lot heavier and people, (people that you still can't place) are now exchanging knowing looks with each other which makes you more confused and embarrassed and angry.
I've always thought of myself as fairly intelligent and enjoyed intellectual pursuits, so I imagine I would not enjoy losing my mind (who would, really). I like to plan and organize - not knowing who people were or what year it was would be a big hindrance to that. If I had cancer at least I could still read and have intelligent conversation and plan menus for family gatherings. I think I'm starting to fear dementia more than cancer.
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