Finally Figured it Out

Sunday in church the priest said something along the lines of there being two deaths, the physical death and the death of our soul.  I wasn't a hundred percent sure of how he meant that, but at the same time it made a sense to me that brought peace and maybe some forgiveness or lessening of guilt.

When I thought I was going to die on 7/12/17, I was most upset about leaving my family behind but was conflicted because that seemed somewhat conceited to think that my family wouldn't do well without me.  But I think it was actually I was afraid for my soul - that I hadn't done enough on earth, taught them enough, prepared them enough, inspired them enough, fulfilled enough of my job as their parent since God entrusted them to me to raise and teach and prepare and inspire.

I still continue to thank God every night for giving me one more day with my children, but now I am also contemplating if I did enough good works for Him throughout the day.

71218 (One year later)

On this date one year ago I thought it would be my last day on earth.  It wasn't.  Every day since then I have thanked God for one more day.

Last year on my potential last day I made a point to have a nice lunch with my two oldest children.  We agreed then that if I continued living we'd make it an annual tradition.  So today we got together again (we have seen each other several times in the intervening year) and had a nice lunch date.

Of course, every day we are alive we should celebrate but sadly, most people don't.  While I have been grateful for each day I haven't been grateful for each moment of the day.  I've vented my share of frustrations and had moments I wish I could re-do.  I haven't used my extra time to make any lasting earthly contributions that I'm aware of - but I've continue to learn and grow and try.

And I'll continue to thank God for every day until the day I die.