Roadside Boxes

I often wonder about the boxes I see on the side of the road.  What's in them?  Could be trash.  Could be someone else's gross junk.  Could be something valuable.  I often wish I had more time or was more daring and actually stopped to check them out. 

I think it would be interesting to make a New Year's resolution to always leave early and take time to stop.  But if it was trash, then what would I do?  It would feel wrong to just leave it there.  Even though it wasn't mine to begin with, if I'm willing to claim something cool I think I would feel obligated to be responsible for the trash too.  This would be a good time for a pickup truck.

Of course, safety is a concern.  I should only stop on country roads, not highways.

If I'm going to do this, I'd better start soon.  If I start doing this, what will I do on 7/12/17?  If I'm going to have lunch with my kids on my potential last day on earth, and I pass a box, and I stop and die because somebody runs me over. . .  Or, what if I decide not to risk it THAT day, and unknowingly pass something REALLY valuable that could change my life.  But not stopping and saving my life would be a greater value than anything I could find.

One might say then why stop at all if it is a risk to my life.  I don't know if I will - but I sort of feel like a have somewhat of a free pass until 7/12/17.  I mean, within reason - I'm not going to go stand in front of a train or anything.

A New Song

Oddly, the day that I wrote the post about the song "How to Save a Life" I heard the song on the radio on the way home from work.  A few tear drops leaked out of my eyes but only two ran down my face.  The next day, on my way to work, I heard the song again and had absolutely no reaction.  I also heard "Seasons in the Sun", which I have previously posted about, and that one really got me crying.  Maybe it has replaced "How to Save a Life" as my emotional trigger.

It makes sense.  "How to Save a Life" was a trigger because of the suicide of my first husband in 2000.  So 16 years later I've made enough emotional progress beyond that event that I don't cry that easily.  Now I've moved on to a new emotional trigger - the thought of leaving my children behind when I die.

Pre-Diabetic

I went to the doctor the last month for a regularly scheduled medicine check.  Based on my lab work he said I'm pre-diabetic and should cut back on sugar and carbs.  On my way home I was running errands and was hungry so, pre-diabetes fully on my mind, I ate a bag of Cheetos.  Then I met my kids at Starbucks and went full-on Eggnog Latte Frappucino.  

Honestly I felt a little depressed that I'm going to HAVE to change my diet.  I've made lots of dietary changes because I wanted to, but never because I had to.  I mean, I don't HAVE to.  But I DON'T WANT to get into full-blown diabetes.  I've seen several people, including two in-laws, loose appendages and limbs to that horrible disease.

I've said before, I'm a wimp.  I definitely don't want to go through dialysis or even sticking my finger to check my blood sugar.  I did that when I was pregnant and had gestational diabetes and I reached my limit of finger pricking.

On the other hand, I don't want to die from complications of untreated diabetes.  I mean, hasn't that been a large part of this blog - me not wanting to die too soon.  So obviously if I can prolong my life by making some basic diet changes, I will do it.  I can do it.  I've been dabbling in nutrition for several years so I know I CAN do it.  But I don't WANT to do it.  Or, more rather, I don't WANT to HAVE to.

Socks

After my mother died I was responsible for disposing of all her things.  We had an estate sale for the larger stuff.  I donated a bunch of things.  But if it didn't sell at the estate sale and it seemed valuable or useful, I held on to it.  I have sold several items on eBay.  And I kept a few pieces of clothing and some socks.  

Sometimes my husband will ask me where I got this shirt or those pants.  I say, "I inherited them."  The other day I put on a pair of socks that had belonged to my mother and it occurred to me that if I die in less than a year, my daughter might inherit those same socks.  She probably wouldn't even know that they were her grandmother's.

Presidential Ponderings

The next time there is a presidential election my youngest son, now in fifth grade, will be in highschool. There is a "wow" factor in that.  Will I be alive?  There is an "oh" factor in that.

How to Save a Life

The Fray came out with their song "How to Save a Life" in 2005.  If you look at the lyrics it seems more like it is about a relationship ending than actually saving a life.  The two lines that stick with me in this song and that are often repeated throughout the song are:

And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I actually can't hear this song without tears coming to my eyes.   It's funny because the person I did know that I did stay up with many nights trying to save his life, died in 2000 - well before this song came out.  So there are no shared memories that come flooding back when I hear this song.  I don't feel guilty about not saving his life on that final night.  (Not that I had a choice.)  The words just really touch me.

Actually, when the song first came out I would cry bunches when it came on the radio (usually while driving).  I would immediately change the station but I still knew the song was playing on the original station and so it was still on my mind and I would still cry. 

Now it feels like an automatic response - song comes on, I cry.  But I cry a lot less now.  The other day I actually listed to the song all the way through.  I think I only had about four tear drops leak out.

I don't really know what the point of this post is other than catharsis.  It doesn't directly relate to my future appointment on 7/12/17 although I suppose I could ponder what songs might make my loved ones cry after I'm gone.  But, who knows, the songs that make them cry may not even come out until 2022.