Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder if I earned the salary of a celebrity if that would be enough motivation to maintain my ideal weight.  With that salary, of course, I could also hire a personal trainer and chef so that would help too.  

Sometimes I wonder if an actor who has to wear a suit and tie every day for 9 months while they make a movie gets tired of it and wishes they had a role with comfortable clothing.

Sometimes I wonder if the guy on Leverage who's character has long hair gets tired of it being in his face all the time.  Maybe he's really a buzz cut kind of guy but he keeps the long hair because it pays the bills.

I'm certain I'll never know first hand (no wondering needed about that).

Counting Down

Last Tuesday I realized that it was exactly one year from THE date.  On Wednesday I woke up and thought "364 more days".  On Thursday I thought about having 363 days left.  I wondered if I would do a mental countdown all year long.  It hadn't been a conscious count but something that just popped into my head.  It occurred to me that at some point I would probably lose count.  Indeed by Friday the thought did not cross my mind and when it did a few days later it seemed like too much time to spend figuring out how many days remained.  Pleasantly ironic.

OMG

As I contemplated making my weekly post today I started to calculate how many posts I will make.  I realized a couple weeks ago that the year mark was coming up soon but it's 3p.m. and I just realized that TODAY IS the year mark.  One year from today IS 7/12/17.

What will happen a year from now?

Will I FINALLY get a teaching job?

Do I have some preliminary health symptom now that will flare up wihin the next few months and kill me within a year?  (I could easily become a hypochondriac!)  But my right thumb is really sore today, my left cheek sometimes feels a little tingly, somewhere inside my right hip has been bothering me lately (hopefully it is just a minor injury from climbing out of the pool before we put the steps in) and a spot on my right leg that gives me intermittent tingles is extra electric today.

Will I learn to enjoy life between now and then?  To savor every moment?  To stand up for what I believe in - even if it means standing up to people I believe in but who believe differently than me?

Last night I felt wary from feeling unsettled.  Today I feel rushed.  A year is an incredibly short amount of time!

Stirring Up My Thoughts

Yesterday I was making barbeque sauce from scratch.  I enjoy cooking and baking.  I think it is another creative outlet for me.  I'm not a total flower-child artist type but creating things through writing, knitting, sewing, cooking, or some similar format gives me a big sense of accomplishment.  I'm also trying to move ever closer to "clean" eating so making things from scratch is essential.  

But every now and then, when I am stirring something that just seems like it will never reach the boiling point, I wonder if it is all worth it.  Would I enjoy life more if I just stuck my head in the sand and ingested a steady diet of high fructose corn syrup?  To borrow a phrase I've heard but never directed at anyone, "fat, dumb and happy" - should I try life that way?  

I can't unknow what I know and I know that would lead to health problems and suffering and early death which I definitely don't want.  So I'll keep on stirring...